So up until recently I spent my weekends with my boyfriend. I get my clothes and stuff together for a mini vacation at his house. Well a while back he got laid off and rehired after a few weeks and they put him on a new schedule. Now hes working Saturdays. yay -.- . Well I was barely getting used to it and he gets laid off and rehired again, so I got used to having him on Saturdays again, just to have it ripped away. And its HARD, and I keep waiting for it to get easier and its just taking its time. Now last week they let him know that he was to work Sundays too. That was definately not going to fly with me, and he knew it. So he talked to his boss and let him know that Sundays were off limits. Well they "worked around" it. So now hes working 12 hour shifts all week except for the days hes off. So the schedule is off Sunday-Tuesday, work 8am to 10pm Wednesday - Saturday. So you may think, well thats not bad, hes off half the week....yea sure, great. BUT Im not off those days. So I get the short end of the stick and I only get to see him once a week. IT SUCKS. So Ive been going through a kind of roller coaster of emotions because I feel like I never see him, so I get upset. And I get upset because Im upset because I feel like Im making him feel like its his fault. Well through all of this hes being very supportive and I know inside of me that we love each other. But I cant figure out anything to do to make myself feel better. (If youre reading this thinking 'typical woman', just shut ur face ok) This is hard for most people to understand A: because they see their other half during the week or B: they arent that serious.
Now Sundays are normally spent in bed watching cartoons and spending quality time, or doing whatever errands/activities that are needed to be done. But one day just isnt cutting it for me. What bothers me in addition to all of this is that since hes off on Sundays and Mondays he can drop me off at home and go out afterwards. This also sucks. Its not that I have a problem with him going out to be with his friends, but he stays out all night and I feel like Im stuck at home. I do not go out like this, ever, which may be the underlying reason. I do go out on Thursday evenings for a few hours for dinner and drinks with a couple of friends, but I am definately not out all night. Also, on Staurdays, when theres no work for anyone the next day, he wants to stay home and play video games or just be in bed/at home. I understand that hes a homebody but if this is the only time that we have to do anything fun then we should take advantage right? I think what Im feeling is that he can go out with his friends and stay out all night but when it comes to doing things with me he never wants to. I dont think its very fair. For example: Today was Easter, he agreed to go to church with me (hes not catholic) and I was happy! But my family wanted to do something with us and he didnt want to. And its like everytime my family wants to do something with us he doesnt fell like it. But if his family calls and asks us to go over were there within the hour.
I dont know what I am supposed to do except to be patient. Patience and communication has always been big in our relationship so I have to just keep pushing through. We have two completely different upbringings and we are used to different ways of doing things and I think that this has a little bit to do with the way that time is being spent lately too. Also, school is taking up a lot of time, which school is pretty good at...I frustrate myself trying too hard to explain it and I just get more upset. And Im pretty sure hes getting frustrated with having a bipolar woman around. Im happy one minute and the next Im upset. Its as difficult for me as it is for him because I am not normally this emotional. Its pretty exhausting.
So anyway, here I am, Sunday night, 1230 in the morning and hes at his friends house again. What I keep asking myself though is, do i want him to just be at home bored? Well, in a way yes. When we first started dating he was very at home. He hardly ever wanted to go anywhere. And now that he is going places, its not with me. I think that is probably the main thorn in my side. Hes not with me..... So is it work? or is it his going out? or is it both? or is it something else? I HAVE NO IDEA! and its so frustrating. I almost feel like I cant even talk to him about it because I get all emotional and he feels bad, and that is definately not what Im trying to do. Im trying to help him to understand....but how can I when I dont even understand. This is a really difficult point in life for me.
On the plus side, I heard a service today on television about the ressurrection of Jesus. Its message was patience and keeping faith. When Jesus died everyone felt like it was the end of the world. But he kept his faith in his father God and was revived after three days. Point is, if you keep your faith you will get what God wants you to have. If Gods plan for you is to be a doctor, for example, and it feels like its never going to happen, if you keep your faith and speak positively instead of giving up, God will finish what he started. God planted a seed in you, and you have to water the seed and wait for it to bloom.
So Lord, I am patiently waiting for my seed to bloom. I know in my heart that it will. Hopefully it will be soon! : )
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment